In Jurassic Park (1993), scientists complete dinosaur genomes using DNA segments from other animals. Then, chaos breaks loose when dealing with the repercussions of dinosaurs coming to life. 

This is how Amy Abe, special advisor for equity, diversity, and inclusion (EDI) at Bishop’s, characterizes how we navigate and interpret conflict when there is missing information, resulting in broken relationships and metaphorical human-eating dinosaurs. On Friday, Sept. 16, Abe hosted two workshop sessions on nonviolent communication (NVC), a communication method that remedies this problem, that can be used when encountering non-physical or passive violence: emotional, mental, spiritual, etc.  

Abe breaks down the basics at the start of the workshop. She explains that in conflict, information first enters our “reptilian brain”, responsible for instinct and biases. Then, our limbic system takes this information and forms emotional reactions. Finally, our emotions are interpreted in the prefrontal cortex, responsible for critical thinking, sense-making, and rational thought– the brain that makes us human.

The problem is, she explains, by the time information has entered the sense-making area of our brain, we begin interpreting behavior and revert to using what are known as “obstructions”. These five obstructions are judgement, punishment, comparison, defense or denial, and demands – all barriers to engaging conflict and mobilizing emotions. NVC is about interrupting this sense-making process through four steps: express a feeling, articulate the behavior that evoked it, state a need, and make a request.  

She hands out a worksheet with various statements including “You don’t give me as many opportunities to manage projects,” and “You’re making me feel guilty.” Gathered around a round table, participants discuss the obstructions they see. There’s often multiple: “You haven’t achieved as much as him at this point in your career” is a comparison layered with judgement, along with an implied demand, participants and Abe noticed. Abe also points out that in Anglo-Canadian culture, especially in the workplace, we often formulate demands as a suggestion. “Maybe you should look over that again,” one participant offers as an example.   

Then, she leads participants through an exercise studying the first of the four steps in NVC: expressing a feeling. The key is that it cannot be attached to the behavior of the other person. Abe reads an “I feel _____” statement, then asks participants to move across the room based on their opinion of whether the word is a true emotion or a judgement. “EDI is a transformative type of learning,” Abe later says, explaining why she chose to use interactive exercises. “We have to move, laugh, and be uncomfortable” to learn EDI, as opposed to talking in “information dumps.”  

One of the statements in this exercise is “I feel disrespected.” Everyone spreads across the room, but most stand on the “judgement” side. Participants discuss where they stand, and through conversation, express how judgement-laden words can be broken down into core emotions like anger, sadness, or fear.   

Abe points out that in the nuances of the English language, people often take verbs like “disrespect” and turn them into feelings, making NVC even more difficult. Saying you feel disrespected is really saying “you disrespected me.”   

Finally, Abe has the participants read a transcription of a real conversation between two social workers on the topic of abortion. Abe has participants identify techniques of active listening and the steps of NVC one social worker uses to avoid escalating the conflict and preserve their relationship, but without denying their personal needs.   

According to Abe, some people were perplexed as to why she chose NVC as the topic of one of this year’s first EDI workshops. She explains that we couldn’t participate in workshops on accessibility, anti-racism, or microaggressions if we didn’t have the tools to navigate ambiguity and sit in discomfort. NVC makes sense as a starting point for a year of workshops. Though it was not the most expected topic, according to Abe, she received over 50 emails regarding the workshop, saying they wish they could attend. The interest is there, she said, and that’s why there were back-to-back workshops. 

“Bishop’s wants to change,” Abe put it simply, “but we can’t destroy relationships in the process.”