I recently broke up with my boyfriend, and I have been going out a lot lately and getting with different guys. I have not been having sex with them, but I have been giving more oral sex than I would normally. I have started to wonder, however, if I am any good at it, and if there are any good tips you could provide me. How do you know when you’re doing it right? Also, when is it appropriate to move from just making out to going down south?

Dear Down Below,

Unsure of when to head down south? If you seem to be connecting with the guy and you want to do it, do it! I’ve never heard of a man declining a blow job, have you? So if you’re feeling it, go for it!

When it comes to sex, confidence is the most important thing. Confidence is hot, straight up.  No matter what you’re doing in the bedroom, be confident! Nothing is worse than getting it on with someone who is timid or hesitant. A lot of women are self-conscious when it comes to giving oral sex, but it is something you need to get over quickly if you want to improve. Even if you don’t have the best skills, any guy will still be psyched to have it, so don’t over think it!

Along with being confident, be enthusiastic. Giving head is fun if you really get into it. I’m not saying you need to act like a porn star, but it’s also not the worst advice…

Here are some basic tips to get you started!

Keeping things wet is key. Start with the head, and move down to the shaft. Keep in mind one thing as you move down: lubrication is key. Not only will this feel great for him, but it also makes your job much more easier. Deep throat him if you can, as it’s one of the best ways to keep up lubrication. If you haven’t before, try it slowly and see how much you can take. If you relax your throat, you should be able to slide all or most of it down and drive him crazy! I don’t recommend this however if you’ve had too much to drink…

Tip #2… The head is the most sensitive part of the penis, so make sure you spend some time on it! You can alternate sucking with teasing it with your tongue. Then add in one or even both hands. Instead of just a boring straight up and down motion, try sucking the head while jerking the shaft in a twisting motion. However, it is crucial when using your hands to keep it really wet! Go ahead, spit on it.

Tip #3… Another critical component to oral sex is to incorporate the balls! They definitely need attention, in almost any way you like. Whether through kissing or fondling them, just pay attention to them! Try massaging them with your tongue, while still stroking the shaft. Have fun, but make sure you don’t play too rough as they can be really sensitive.

For the most part, guys tend to be less shy than girls in bed. If you’re unsure if he likes what you’re doing, why not ask him? He will either reassure you that you’re doing a good job, or he will show you what he prefers instead. Either way, he will love the dirty talk, and everyone wins!

Hopefully these pointers set you on the right track and give you a little confidence boost with your next encounter, but how do you really know when you’re doing it right? It’ll come, don’t you worry!

Love,
Whitney

My boyfriend wants us to spice up our sex life, but I don’t have any ideas. Help?

Thanks,

In need of naughty and new

Dear In Need,

I feel like this question is on everyone’s mind at one point or another, so good job on asking – you’re probably helping a lot of people out.

I’m not sure about you, but I like to focus on foreplay to make the fooling around both last longer and to make it more intense. There’s nothing like the feeling of wanting someone inside of you so badly, but holding it off until the last possible moment. Doing this will make the sex feel so much more deserving – so stay away from jumping right to it. Your guy will go crazy if you step up your foreplay skills, so don’t be afraid tease or tempt all of his senses. Here are some tips; try alternating between kissing and licking his body from his earlobes down his neck, down his chest and stomach and then around his penis but not on his penis right away. Believe it or not, guys are incredibly ticklish there and the fact that your mouth could be working more magic on them any second gets them pretty excited.

After that, feel free to move on to either the hand or blow job. I personally think hand jobs are pretty pointless – guys can do it themselves when you’re not around, so maybe give them a special treat and use your mouth. For those of you who are scared of giving head, it really isn’t a terrible thing. The key is to be confident and try to enjoy what you’re doing, because honestly it won’t be enjoyable for your boy if he can sense your unhappiness while you’re going down on him. Make your mouth as watery as possible (if it’s a night after the bar, don’t be afraid to get a glass of water) and start slow, speeding up as you get more into it. Just relax and enjoy yourself.

When it comes to the sex… that’s a whole different story. Work on bringing in different positions that show of your talents. There are positions that let him do the work, and some that let you do the work so make your choice depending on the day. People who have the same sex partners tend to get into a routine, and this is something that needs to be avoided to keep the sex hot. I’ve heard a lot of guys like doggy style, because there’s a great view, a sense of control and they can pull your hair, grab their girl’s breasts… Meanwhile, girl on top is always fun but a lot of people do that so I won’t recommend it as a new and improved sex position (have you ever tried reverse cowgirl?). Finally I’m going to tell you to try this, lie on your bed on your back with your feet on the floor, let your guy enter you from the front while still standing on the flood beside your bed. The way your back will be arched will let him enter you easily and enable him to penetrate deeply. Those are just some ideas – there’s always the shower, the bathtub and the washing machine to turn to if these were saucy enough for you and your guy!

Love,

Whitney

I really like my roommate, but her and her boyfriend are constantly fooling around. The worst part about it is that they are loud, and they don’t even stop when I come into the room. What should I do?

Sincerely,

The Helpless Roommate

Dear Helpless,

The first thing I am going to tell you to do is to deal with your situation now, before it is too late. It is only the first week of October, and you still have about seven months of school left. Tell her that it is your room too, and that believe it or not, it does bother you when she has sex with her boyfriend right beside you. I’m not sure about you, but I haven’t met many people who like watching their friends have sex. If you wait to tell her, her bad habits are going to be harder to chance.

Maybe you should figure out a way to communicate when she is busy and when you need your time in your room. Ask her to text you when she is going to be busy so you know not to come back to the room, but tell her it can only be the time that you’re in class plus a maximum of an hour or so per day. Just because she is the one with the boyfriend, it doesn’t mean that she now has reign of the room.

I’m not sure of your situation, but doesn’t her boyfriend have a room they can go to? Why are they always in your room? It’s not really fair if you’re the only roommate being disturbed.

I hope that this doesn’t take a toll on your friendship. It is vital to realize that you are both important in this situation, and to make sure that you don’t let her stomp all over you. If she doesn’t listen to how you feel, then you could go the inappropriate route by inviting friends over to watch or by making comments while they are doing the deed. These last pieces of advice will probably do the trick, but don’t tell anyone you got that from me!

Love,

Whitney

I’m a 20-year-old male with an amazing, exciting, and adventurous 19-year-old girlfriend.  We’ve been dating nearly six months, and while, I’ve been with a lot more people, none of my long-term relationships have lasted as long as her previous relationships. And so, I’ve thought we were pretty much on the same level, with regards to our experience—well, until yesterday.

So, yesterday, we were talking about trying something new in the bedroom—anal. I mentioned that it would be my first time trying something like this, while she said that she was not entirely in the same boat, since she had done it before with her ex! I can’t really explain why I am so upset. It can’t be the act, since I was considering trying it with her myself. But, I just feel so betrayed. We had the ‘past experiences’ conversation months ago, and she never brought it up. I feel like I’ve been lied to. I hate the idea of her having done this with some other guy, and the thought of trying it with her now, just freaks me out. Do I have a right to feel misled, and should I tell her how I feel?

–Derrier’d & Confused

Dear DC,

If your girlfriend had said, “Oh, yeah, I’ve done tons of anal with the ex—he loved it!” during that embryonic “past experiences” talk, you would have freaked out! Wouldn’t it have made her a tad more threatening? And wouldn’t you have judged her and her past relationship, without getting to know her better? AND wouldn’t knowing that she had had copious amounts of heinie penetration make you feel like you had to too—and soon—to keep her interested?

Before rubbing her tush tales in your face, she let you get to know her first. She let you find out what an amazing, exciting and adventurous 19-year-old she is! Since when did people in relationships start having to tell to their partners with whom, how many times, and in what positions they’ve previously had sex? She didn’t lie, or betray, or mislead you. If you never asked the girl, “Have you had anal sex with your ex?” then she never had a reason to bring it up—well, until now. So, stop being a dick DC, and get over her backside!

Love,
Whitney

Email: thecampus.whitney@gmail.com

I’m writing to you with a very complicated situation. My current [male] roommate and I have been best friends since meeting at Bishop’s. We do everything together and I’ve never known anyone who ‘gets’ me like he does. Soon after we met in first year, I realized I was developing deeper feelings for him, but I found out that he’s gay. I pretended to be a lesbian so he wouldn’t suspect anything and so that we could get close and play around without making it seem like I’m actually interested. I’ve been living this lie for three years now and it’s starting to wear me down. How do I get out of this without ruining our relationship????

Signed,
Tila TequiLIE

Dear TT,

Wow, let me just say, your question really tugged at my heartstrings. This is one fucked up situation. You’ve secretly been in love with your gay-best-friend-roommate, who thinks you’re a lesbian, and so he flirts, and roughhouses, and teases, and confides in you just like a boyfriend would, for nearly three years now! I’ve never heard anything like it. And I can’t imagine what it must feel like, but I’m going to try and help out, with some experience of my own.

A couple of years ago, a really close friend of mine severed ties completely. We had been insanely close for quite a few years, and he had seen me go through some pretty messy relationships and breakups.

Little did I know, he had always wanting something more between us. While I had always seen our relationship as purely platonic, he clearly wanted something more, and it got to a point where he gave me an ultimatum—either give him a try, or end the friendship. And so, as I was dating someone else at the time, the friendship ended. Even though I’ve tried to get in touch since, he refuses to answer any of my attempts, and in all honesty, I can’t tell you how much I miss his friendship.

So, I think the big question here is—do you value the friendship enough to put your romantic feelings aside? He isn’t going to wake up one morning suddenly liking pussy. So, you can either live with the relationship the way it is, or confront him about your feelings, and move on.

Also, I think it’s extremely important that you come clean—tell him you’re not gay, and that you don’t think you ever have been. The whole ‘I pretended to be a lesbian so you wouldn’t know I love you’ secret doesn’t need to be revealed, but in order for you to emotionally move on—hopefully to a straight man—and your friendship to continue, you’ve got to be honest with him about your sexuality. Good luck TT, I hope it all works out, and that there’s still a friendship at the end of it.

Love,
Whitney

My girlfriend and I have been having sex for a while now, and I was just wondering if there are certain sex positions that she is more likely to orgasm from?

- Pleasing My Girl

Dear PMG,

This may sound a bit preachy, but I’m a big fan of Cowgirl, in more ways then one. Experts say, and I think most women would agree, that there’s no better, surefire way then cowgirl—otherwise known as woman-on-top. It’s got all the right ingredients—control, internal and external stimulation, and the added bonus that males typically last longer when on their backs.

In addition to the traditional Cowgirl, your girlfriend can also try the Reverse Cowgirl—where she sits on top, but this time facing your feet. Another way to switch this position up, is by changing locations, specifically to a chair. Dr. Joy Davidson, sex therapist and creator of The Joy Spot, says this position—where she basically sits on your lap—can make all the difference for women who may not like traditional cowgirl. Because the angle of penetration is different and you’re extremely close together, it can give her new sensations and offers a lot of clitoral stimulation.

Dr. Barnaby B. Barratt, sex therapist and director of the Center for Tantric Spirituality, says being on top also helps females breathe more easily, which is key for reaching a mind-blowing orgasm.

While Dr. Allison offers a little tip for women orgasming in this position—tilt your pelvis forward. It sounds so simple, but this small movement flattens the vulva onto the man’s pubic area, which leads to tons of clit stimulation—by basically masturbating on top of him. So I’d say, let your lady take the reigns and just enjoy the ride!

Love,
Whitney

I recently got into a debate with some friends, over how HIV is spread. I thought that kissing and oral sex were safe, but intercourse required condoms. My friends disagreed, and I’ve found conflicting answers online—what do you think

-Just Curious

Dear JC,

To be honest, I’m not an expert in this area, but I’ve done a little research, and here’s the short and sweet of the fun facts I came across. When it comes to fucking, “you would have to come in contact with someone who is HIV-positive and a fluid—semen, vaginal secretions, or blood—that can transmit HIV,” says Krishna Stone, assistant director of community relations at Men’s Health Crisis in New York City. Furthermore, for infection to occur, “there would also need to be an unprotected point of entry—either vaginal or anal sex without condoms.”

So no, you can’t be exposed to HIV unless you’re having unprotected fluid exchanges with someone who is HIV positive. Especially, if you’re having sex—safe sex, that is—with someone that’s HIV-negative.

Now, about the kissing…Rui Pires, Education Coordinator for the AIDS Committee of Toronto explains, “Kissing carries no risk of HIV transmission, according to the Canadian AIDS Society’s HIV transmission guidelines”; saliva simply doesn’t transmit HIV. Although, as sex columnist Dan Savage pens, there has been a case of HIV transmission through, what he refers to as, ‘deep kissing.’ This unique infection, however, involved two cases of severe gum disease. So as long as the people you’re tonguing aren’t bleeding from the gums, you should be okay snogging whomever you like.

Onto oral sex—oral sex has, apparently, an extremely low risk for transmitting HIV. However, low risk, does not mean NO RISK. There have been a number of reported cases, where people have become infected while giving head—not to mention the many STIs, such as Chlamydia and Gonorrhea that can easily be transmitted orally. Oh, and here’s another fun fact: having an existing STI and/or STD,significantly increases your chances for oral and penetrative HIV transmission.

So here’s what you can do to minimize the risk of contracting HIV when doing the nasty. Don’t shove your tongue down someone’s throat until your know their gum history, don’t let your partner blow his/her load in your mouth, limit your number of sexual partners, don’t get naked with total sluts, don’t be a total slut yourself, and like my Mama always told me, always, ALWAYS, use a condom!

Love,
Whitney

I’m a pretty hairy dude. And I don’t mind it: I like my hairy chest, I like growing a beard, I even like my hairy arms and legs. But I’ve got a problem: the girl I just started sleeping with hates the hair on my crotch. So I’ve been shaving my pubes lately, but I have long, gross hairs all over my balls, which I could really do without. However, the thought of cutting myself down there has been a pretty good deterrent from going at it with a razor. Is there an easy, pain-free way to get rid of it?

Nickname Up To You

I’m sorry to say NUTY…there isn’t. I’d stick to trimming your pair, and other than that, waxing is the way to go, though it’s certainly not pain-free.

Love,
Whitney