Dear Whitney,
I’m writing to you with a very complicated situation. My current [male] roommate and I have been best friends since meeting at Bishop’s. We do everything together and I’ve never known anyone who ‘gets’ me like he does. Soon after we met in first year, I realized I was developing deeper feelings for him, but I found out that he’s gay. I pretended to be a lesbian so he wouldn’t suspect anything and so that we could get close and play around without making it seem like I’m actually interested. I’ve been living this lie for three years now and it’s starting to wear me down. How do I get out of this without ruining our relationship????
Signed,
Tila TequiLIE
Dear TT,
Wow, let me just say, your question really tugged at my heartstrings. This is one fucked up situation. You’ve secretly been in love with your gay-best-friend-roommate, who thinks you’re a lesbian, and so he flirts, and roughhouses, and teases, and confides in you just like a boyfriend would, for nearly three years now! I’ve never heard anything like it. And I can’t imagine what it must feel like, but I’m going to try and help out, with some experience of my own.
A couple of years ago, a really close friend of mine severed ties completely. We had been insanely close for quite a few years, and he had seen me go through some pretty messy relationships and breakups.
Little did I know, he had always wanting something more between us. While I had always seen our relationship as purely platonic, he clearly wanted something more, and it got to a point where he gave me an ultimatum—either give him a try, or end the friendship. And so, as I was dating someone else at the time, the friendship ended. Even though I’ve tried to get in touch since, he refuses to answer any of my attempts, and in all honesty, I can’t tell you how much I miss his friendship.
So, I think the big question here is—do you value the friendship enough to put your romantic feelings aside? He isn’t going to wake up one morning suddenly liking pussy. So, you can either live with the relationship the way it is, or confront him about your feelings, and move on.
Also, I think it’s extremely important that you come clean—tell him you’re not gay, and that you don’t think you ever have been. The whole ‘I pretended to be a lesbian so you wouldn’t know I love you’ secret doesn’t need to be revealed, but in order for you to emotionally move on—hopefully to a straight man—and your friendship to continue, you’ve got to be honest with him about your sexuality. Good luck TT, I hope it all works out, and that there’s still a friendship at the end of it.
Love,
Whitney
