Dear Whitney,
I’m a 20-year-old male with an amazing, exciting, and adventurous 19-year-old girlfriend. We’ve been dating nearly six months, and while, I’ve been with a lot more people, none of my long-term relationships have lasted as long as her previous relationships. And so, I’ve thought we were pretty much on the same level, with regards to our experience—well, until yesterday.
So, yesterday, we were talking about trying something new in the bedroom—anal. I mentioned that it would be my first time trying something like this, while she said that she was not entirely in the same boat, since she had done it before with her ex! I can’t really explain why I am so upset. It can’t be the act, since I was considering trying it with her myself. But, I just feel so betrayed. We had the ‘past experiences’ conversation months ago, and she never brought it up. I feel like I’ve been lied to. I hate the idea of her having done this with some other guy, and the thought of trying it with her now, just freaks me out. Do I have a right to feel misled, and should I tell her how I feel?
–Derrier’d & Confused
Dear DC,
If your girlfriend had said, “Oh, yeah, I’ve done tons of anal with the ex—he loved it!” during that embryonic “past experiences” talk, you would have freaked out! Wouldn’t it have made her a tad more threatening? And wouldn’t you have judged her and her past relationship, without getting to know her better? AND wouldn’t knowing that she had had copious amounts of heinie penetration make you feel like you had to too—and soon—to keep her interested?
Before rubbing her tush tales in your face, she let you get to know her first. She let you find out what an amazing, exciting and adventurous 19-year-old she is! Since when did people in relationships start having to tell to their partners with whom, how many times, and in what positions they’ve previously had sex? She didn’t lie, or betray, or mislead you. If you never asked the girl, “Have you had anal sex with your ex?” then she never had a reason to bring it up—well, until now. So, stop being a dick DC, and get over her backside!
Love,
Whitney
