Cougars and Cubs: Negotiating Female Sexuality in a World of Male “Hunters”

I very recently tuned in to The Tyra Show and found myself curiously watching an episode called “The Cougar Convention.” This episode disturbed and intrigued me: a cougar convention? It also got me thinking: dominant, often patriarchal, ideology affects women of all ages – in this case, those women who are middle-aged and “good-looking.” Today, these women are referred to as “cougars”, a castigating term that is most often attached to women by men who want to regain complete control over female sexuality.

The show went behind the scenes of The Arizona Cougar Convention, where about five older women tried to meet and hook-up with young, “hot” men—otherwise known as “cubs.” Four of these women were present on the show, and each one claimed that seducing men, and being seduced by men, was a way for them to claim their independence. Tyra, too, seemed to suggest that this “hunting” was empowering for women. I can certainly understand this. After decades of being “hunted” by men for male sexual pleasure only and being denied the right to express their sexualities, women are fed up—they want sex, too!

However, this kind independence seemed problematic to me for numerous reasons. Yes, women are now fighting back; they want the independence and autonomy that men have traditionally had in patriarchal Western society. And thus, women take on man’s role of “hunter” in order to get this. Three questions come to mind here: do women choose to take on what is traditionally a man’s role, or are they forced to because they have limited space to negotiate their sexualities? And, are these so-called cougars really gaining independence and autonomy? I also wondered, in trying to seduce men, do women also exploit and objectify them? If this is the case, then here, patriarchal attitudes are reversed—they are upheld by women and enacted upon (younger) men.

The patriarchal ideology I refer to is based on what feminist film theorists, specifically Laura Mulvey, have termed the male gaze. The competition that occurs between these middle-aged women, a competition that is driven by the “cubs” they “hunt”, perfectly demonstrates how women of all ages compete against one another for male attention, approval, and desire. Their own value as women and as human beings is still determined by the degree to which young men desire them; at the same time, these young men are also fetishized (think of the erotic allure of male abdominals), objectified, and exploited. The male gaze is referred to as such rather than female because it has traditionally been the man who has “looked” at the female for visual or scopophilic pleasure. Although this kind of thinking assumes that the gaze of women has little value, these middle-aged women seem to have internalized a “male gaze.” Not only are they competing for the male gaze, but they are also developing a female gaze in order to find a male “cub” to take home with them.

However, in order for these women to succeed in attaining the male gaze, they must meet a certain beauty ideal. Ironically, although cougars are usually middle-aged women, this ideal is a youthful one. Indeed, it was the youngest looking cougar who won The Arizona Cougar Convention.  The other cougars were outraged. Both the desire for youth and the male gaze separate these women from each other, and encourages them to compete against one another for a crown that represents what is constructed as youthful, beautiful, and independent.

My first reaction to these women was one of frustration. I thought, how can they discriminate against other women and men—even themselves? I also wondered how they could dismiss other women in order to succeed in their sexual endeavors that often objectify, exploit, and fetishize. But my questions began to develop further after I heard the personal opinion of a professor whom I greatly admire. I actually began to feel frustrated with my own frustration. I, too, am a woman, and I wondered why I could not feel more compassion for these women who are trying to negotiate their sexualities in a world that values youth only? Certainly—I do. And so, I began to realize that what I really want to express in this article is not hostility toward these women, or any kind of woman for that matter, but to encourage women to challenge the patriarchal ideology that often determines their ways of thinking, living, being. This is the same ideology that is still employed not only by women, but also by the men who castigate middle-aged women as MILFs and cougars.

In order to challenge this patriarchal ideology, women must dismantle and understand the binary oppositions that it embodies. The importance of understanding these binaries is precisely the reason why feminists are needed. As the male gaze continues to circulate, and as women are forced to work within existing patriarchal formulas to gain independence and autonomy, so will the discrimination that is imbedded in dominant Western ideology. Because we are now on the verge of a Fourth Wave of feminism—one based on global political activism—it’s time to dismantle the myth that feminists hate men and become concerned with, as Canice Leung, writer for the Metro Vancouver newspaper, so rightly points out, the “eternal need to understand who we are as individuals and as a society.”